The Problem with Parents
by Lady-Lyonnesse
Summary: Jennifer Stackhouse knew that her adopted mom Sookie wouldn't be happy with her for staying out late. She had even anticipated the shouting matches a little. Eric Northman's reaction on the other hand – no one could prepare for that. That's what comes from being raised by a Psychic and a Vampire.


**Title:** The Trouble with Psychic Moms and their Vampire Boyfriends

**Author:** Lady-Lyonnesse

**Rating:** T

**Summary:** Jennifer Stackhouse knew that her adopted mom Sookie wouldn't be happy with her. She even had anticipated the shouting a little. Eric Northman on the other hand – no one could prepare for _that_.

**Author's Note: apologies for shoving Jen on you with very little introduction. Essentially, she was adopted by Sookie when she was six and other than her slightly unorthodox **_**Munster's **_**style family, is a perfectly normal teenager. Hope you guys enjoy her x **

Sookie and I had been yelling at each other for quite a while when Eric came in. Well, pretty much ever since Sookie had got in from work, she'd started yelling and it had escalated from there. Then suddenly, the front door crashed and Eric burst in; fangs out, eyes blazing.

"Eric!" Sookie yells. "What the _hell_ are you doing?"

"I heard shouting – I thought you were being attacked." He says, still glaring around the room like he's expecting vampires to jump out at any moment. Sookie and I stare at him, eyebrows raised. He soon realises his mistake and his fangs retract.

"Eric, I apologise for the noise, I was just having a talk with Jen." Sookie says, glaring daggers at me and not sounding the least bit repentant.

"A discussion?" Eric looks disbelievingly, first at Sookie and then at me. "Why?" I immediately start to tell him exactly why Sookie's completely unjust in her yelling and that I'm quite angry with her for it. Unfortunately, this isn't exactly productive as Sookie's doing the exact same thing about me. "ENOUGH, WOMEN!" Eric yells. Sookie and I stop, identical hurt pouts forming immediately. Eric rolls his eyes. "What's happened?" he asks. "_Sookie_," he says, before I can speak. Sookie smiles, approvingly.

"Well," she begins. "Jen's already grounded from coming home in the early hours, drunk out of her mind. Then Andy Bellefleur came into work today and told me that Jen's been in trouble."

"Trouble?" Eric casts a sideways glance at me. I grin, meekly.

"He hasn't arrested her yet but he wanted to let me know she's on her _final warning_." She looks at me pointedly. I hold my breath.

"So?" Eric asks.

"SO?" Sookie explodes at him. "What do you mean _so_?"

"She hasn't been arrested yet, she's having some fun – we've all been there, Sookie," Eric says, rather tiredly.

"Well I haven't," Sookie says.

"Figures," I snort.

"Jen," Eric warns me and I back down _post haste_. "Look Sookie, she's fine – just put her in place and she won't do it again. _Will you, Jennifer?_"

"No." I mutter.

"Well, then." Eric nods, looking quite pleased with himself and turns to leave.

"Eric, do you seriously think that the sort of behaviour is appropriate for a sixteen year old girl?" Sookie demands, following him into the hallway.

"Good bye Sookie," he says, indifferently.

"Running around Bon Temps at all hours of the night – you know what dangers are out there!" she continues.

"Good _bye_ Sookie."

"And have I mentioned, she did this all - " Sookie takes a deep breath for one last, desperate ploy. I know what she's going to say before she says it, but there's no time to make proper preparations.

"With a guy!" Sookie finishes, triumphantly. Eric freezes; his hand on the door knob, his foot halfway out the door. I gulp. As a six year old, Eric had not liked me at all; I was annoying, I was chatty, I was always wanting someone to play with me - and Eric was hardly endearing to any three qualities. I had a feeling that the only reason he put up with me was Sookie. Once again, Sookie had demonstrated that the power to control vampires lay in her shorts. Eric had put up with me because he wanted to get into Sookie's pants, he hadn't eaten me because he wanted to get into Sookie's pants and, although he would never admit this one, he was jealous that I drew Sookie's attention away from him (therefore limiting his chances of getting into her pants). However, as time had gone on, even Eric had found himself getting used to the idea of having a human child around, apparently embracing a sort of semi-guardian role. He'd never say directly, but little hints now and then soon got everyone clued on. Like; laughing when I'd poured juice all over Pam's new ensemble when I was eight (Pam had been less forgiving) or allowing me to ride on his shoulders as he went about business in the club or letting me stay the night in his office if I'd had a row with Sookie or not-so-subtly growling at fang bangers, vampires and weres alike if they got too close.

By the time I was twelve, these hints were broadcast clear as day - sure he could be a jerk and his parenting methods were somewhat... _unconventional_ - the time when he'd hung me upside down from a ceiling light until I told the truth about where I'd been when I skipped school, immediately springing to mind - but every vampire within the Tri-state area could tell that Eric Northman was my unofficial guardian.

And therein lay the problem.

Unfortunately, Eric didn't see shades of grey. As far as he could understand, I was _his _human and he had a right to protect me... 'protect' here, translating as 'possessive as hell' in my own personal dictionary. This whole 'no sharing' attitude made dating very hard, be it a Supe or a human. Usually, I can count on Sookie to sort it out for me but this time I'm on my own.

Eric turns slowly; stony-faced, fangs glinting in the hall light. Not a good sign.

"Jennifer..." he begins, his voice barely above a growl.

"I rescind my invitation!" I squeak, before running up the stairs, Eric's enraged roar practically propelling me up.

(* * * * *)

"Jen? Jen! Open the goddamn door!" My sorta-uncle-Jason hammers on the door about five minutes later.

"And let that blonde whirlwind of fury in here?" I yell back, unsure if I'm referring to Eric or Sookie and deciding that both could lead to pretty undesirable consequences. "Nuh Uh! No damn way!"

"Jen! For god's sake, open the door!" The door rocks on its hinges and I wince; despite being a solid door, Jason the were-panther need only throw himself at it a couple more times before it gives way. Unless he rebounds off it and straight down the stairs, like in cartoons. I scream something extremely vulgar at him, more objecting to the damage to the door than anything else, Jason replying instantly with words of about the same nature.

"Jason, that is NOT helping!" Sookie's voice yells and then the knocking starts again. Not as violent as Jason was but the short, sharp, repetitive raps which mean you know she means business. "Jennifer Adele Stackhouse, you open this door right now, you hear me?"

"What? Sorry, I can't hear you!" I yell back, purposely turning up the radio as loud as I can.

"JENNIFER, FOR GOD'S SAKE, QUIT ACTING LIKE A DAMN CHILD!" Even the awesome power of Radiohead was having trouble drowning out the yells of Sookie Stackhouse.

"LALALALALALALA!" I sing loudly, putting my hands over my ears and dancing around the room to any beat or tune BUT the one that's playing (performance has NEVER been my strong point). Suddenly, the door bursts open and I'm seized by a pair of hands, one hand removing my hands from my ears and holding them fast behind my back, while the other circles the back of my head, pinning said ears to my skull. Well ouch.

"Can you hear now?" Eric growls in my ear. I roll my eyes; Sookie must've let him in. I open my mouth for the standard back-chat, when the pressure increases on my ears, pressing them (and my piercings) further into the skin. Double ouch. Sookie and Jason step through the Eric shape hole in the door, Sookie making a quick detour to turn off the radio, before standing in front of me, arms folded.

"You done with your little tantrum now?" she asks, coldly.

"Not even close." I manage to grind out through gritted teeth, my pride refusing to allow me to back down. "OW!" I yell as Eric roughly turns me to face him, his fangs bearing down on me, his fingers digging into my shoulders. Yup, that's what you get for backchat growing up in the Stackhouse residence.

"Eric, that's enough!" Sookie commands and once again the threat of no access to Sookie's pants is enough to make the Viking vampire retract his fangs.

"Jen, honey, why don't you sit down?" Jason asks, cautiously, his eyes darting between the three of us as if we're unexploded bombs and he's trying to figure out which one is gonna blow first. "You too, Sookie." he adds. Sookie glares at him for a minute, before conceding and perching herself on the edge of my bed. Eric takes another second to glower a little more, before backing up and sitting himself at my computer stool - with me firmly planted on his lap, arms around my waist, holding me in place. I struggle, more to keep up the appearance of a teenage renegade than anything else, before giving up and folding my arms, pouting furiously. Eric doesn't relent his grip one iota.

"Right." Jason says, looking slightly at a loss what to say - he's not used to people actually listening to him, much less being in charge. "Well, now we've all calmed down, what's the problem?"

"Jen wants to go out tonight." Sookie says, giving me a very hard, pointed glare as she says so.

"With a boy." Eric puts in, from over the top of my head.

"When she knows she's still grounded from where she rolled in drunk last time -"

"With a boy."

"- not to mention what Andy told me she did while she was out; car-jacking -"

"With a boy."

"- breaking branches off a tree -"

"With a boy."

"- and damn near ruining Andy Bellefleur's car's upholstery!"

"...with a boy?" This question was ignored by Sookie and Jason, who focus on me.

"Well, young lady?" Jason prompts.

"You forgot the fornication. Portia always brings up the fornication - and no, Eric, I was not with a boy!" I state, feeling the hum in Eric's chest as he begins to speak. "Not fornicating anyway."

"Sarcasm will not help your cause." Sookie says sternly. For the first time, I actually feel ashamed.

"Sorry. Look, I admit it, I screwed up okay? But I'm not going out with them okay? It's with Amina, you know the Owl shifter? Me and her were gonna grab a couple of burgers down at _Merlotte's_, that's it!" I insist, vehemently.

"Uh Huh, like the time you went to an open 'hymn practice' at the church and spent the night on the back of Grant Froid's Harley Davison?" Sookie demands. God, I can practically feel Eric's raised eyebrowed _glare_ on the back of my neck but I shrug it off.

"How did you know that?" I ask. "I never told you!" A pause. "Did you read my mind?" Now it's Sookie's turn to look ashamed.

"I was worried about you!" she protests, trying hard not to blush. "Anyway, this is _not_ the matter at hand!"

"Alright!" Jason puts his hand up to call for attention and once again looks vaguely surprised that we all give it to him. "Look, Jen there's no denying that you did wrong and you should be punished for that." I hang my head. "But Sook, you can't go around listening to what's inside her head when you're worried. Them thoughts are her own private property." Sookie huffs.

"What else am I supposed to do?" she demands.

"You always go on about being normal. Now this is your chance." Jason tells her. Sookie glares at him.

"So, does this mean I can go out tonight?" I ask, hopefully.

"Not till you can be trusted." Eric snarls.

"Well how am I meant to show I'm trustworthy if you won't give me the chance too?" I want to know.

"Look, hold up," Jason quickly jumps in before Eric has a chance to bite my head off for back chat. "I think I have an idea."

"Go on." Eric says, practically oozing scepticism and Sookie looking pretty doubtful too. Somehow I have a feeling my night isn't quite going to go how I expected.

(* * * * *)

"Sam, my man!" I declare as I sweep into _Merlotte's_. The middle-aged manager grins when he sees me and pulls me into a bear hug.

"Hey Jenny-bean, long time no see!" he says.

"Yeah well, I've been busy what with school and generally causing more grey hairs on Portia's salon sculpted head." I say, unrepentantly.

"Good girl." Sam says, ruffling my hair. "In the corner, Amina's already ordered for you – and I'd get there quick before she eats it for you too!"

It's a mark of how much I recognise the danger that my cheese burger is in that I manage to get from one side of the busy restaurant to another in record time.

"Hey! Don't touch it!" I warn, snatching the cheeseburger off my plate and tearing a bite out of it. Claim staked.

"Geez, I wasn't going too!" Amina protests. "Where have you been? I was starting to think you'd stood me up!"

"Fot off farenfing fouble." I say, through a mouthful of burger.

"Eh? Swallow your mouthful, you uncivilised creature!" Amina chides. I roll my eyes and swallow.

"Spot of parenting trouble." I repeat, sitting opposite her. "Sookie found out."

"Found out? What about? Oh!" Amina's eyes widen. "You're kidding."

"It gets worse," I tell her, grimly. "She only went and told Eric."

"Shit." Amina says, fully aware of Eric's attitude regarding parenting. "How did you get out alive?"

"Jason sorted it," I say. "Of course, there was a condition..."

"Oh yes?" Now Amina sounds suspicious. "What was that?" As a way of reply, the door to _Merlotte's_ slams open and Pam – a vision in violet and fury – storms into the bar. Amina and I watch as she stamps her way to the bar and barks an order for a bottle of True Blood.

"Do you think she's seen us?" Amina whispers, going to hide behind a menu. From the bar, Pam throws a glare at me, promising a painful and no doubt drawn out death later for getting her lumbered with the job of babysitting.

"Yup." I say. "Next time, I reckon I'll just stay in with a Disney."


End file.
